11 posts tagged “teens”

Yes, my friends it has been awhile!  Let's just say that I had some personal things and changes come up and had to take a break!  But I'm back, in charge, and ready to write once again!

Ahhhhhhh teens!  Yes, they're fun aren't they?  Well sure they can be, but sometimes they can also be trouble!

Think about what they are feeling though.  At this age they have discovered their self independence and want to be a little more independent now.  They start to push us parents away and don't talk to us as much or maybe they don't give us as many hugs and kisses as they used to.  That's OK, this is all normal.  They can't be your little baby forever.

It drives you crazy how they act.  It drives you crazy how secretive they are.  It drives you crazy how they dress.  Etc....

Hey, we have all been teenagers.  Think back to how you were.  I'm sure that you weren't perfect and I'm also sure that you can take the lessons that you learned from your own experiences as a teen, good and bad, and use those lessons to help raise your own.

I'm glad to be back and writing......

Until next time!

Skipping Breakfast is the leading bad food habit for teenagers. According to the American Dietetic Association, more than half of male teens and more than two-thirds of female teens do not eat breakfast on a regular basis. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Eating breakfast can upstart your teen’s metabolism, which helps with weight control, mood and school performance.

You can ensure that your teen eats a healthy breakfast by making the foods readily accessible to him. Make it a part of your routine to put breakfast on the table and sit with your teen while you both enjoy a healthy breakfast. Or, if time is a problem, go for the grab and eat on the way breakfasts that are now on the market.

The next unhealthy food habit teens have is increased foods from 'other' food group. Think of the food pyramid, the 'other' food group is the smallest smallest section at the top with what is supposed to be the least amount of servings. Teens tend to eat too much high fat and calorie snack foods that are categorized in the 'other' food group.

You can help teens break this habit by having fruits and healthy snacks available more often then having high fat and calorie snacks available. It is easier to grab a bag of chips at the grocery store then picking up a bag of oranges and remembering to wash, quarter and put them out on the table during snack time. But the benefits to your teen’s health are worth the effort.

Increased eating outside of the home is another bad food habit teens have. Teens hit the fast food restaurants much more often then they did when they were younger. This tends to be because of school, sports and work schedules overlapping regular meal times.

To circumvent this bad habit, talk to your teen about only eating fast food once a week. Then make dinner and healthy food available to him when he has the time. This is as easy as fixing a plate for him and allowing him to heat it up when he gets home from his sports practice. Or having sandwich fixings ready when he gets home from school and has to run off to work.

Last, but not least, in this list of bad food habits is soft drink consumption. A study looking at American youths aged 6-17 found an increase in the prevalence of soft drink consumption from 37% in 1978 to 56% in 1998. You can help your teen choose a healthier drink by having fruit juice and water available and not buying soda. Or try fruit flavored carbonated water instead of soda. My teens really like these.

One common denominator for getting teens to eat healthier and avoid these bad food habits is your active role in providing healthy foods. When you get in the habit of making these foods more readily available to your teen, you will see a change in their eating habits.

So let's start this year off with better eating habits and not just for us, for our kids!

I have witnessed 1st hand this past year what happens to a child's self esteem and self worth when their parent is a drunk and only cares about themselves because of the drinking.  I have an acquaintance whom we have all tried to help, but refuses to get help for her alcoholism.  It's very sad and what it is doing to her child is even worse.

Children of alcoholics are a population without a clear definition. Because the concept of COA (children of alcoholics) is focused on the child rather than the parent, the definition of a COA is any child whose parent (or parental caregiver) uses alcohol in such a way that it causes problems in the child's life. The child may no longer be living with the substance abusing parent because of separation, divorce, abandonment, incarceration or death. And the parent does not have to be still actively drinking or using for the child to continue to feel the impact of the abuse.

In families where alcohol is being abused, behavior is frequently unpredictable and communication is unclear. Family life is characterized by chaos and unpredictability. Behavior can range from loving to withdrawn to crazy. Structure and rules may be either nonexistent or inconsistent. Children, who may not understand that their parent’s behavior and mood is determined by the amount of alcohol in their bloodstream, can feel confused and insecure. They love their parents and worry about them, and yet feel angry and hurt that their parents do not love them enough to stop using.

Despite the suffering these children endure, many blame themselves for their parent’s substance abuse. They believe it when their parents scream that they wouldn’t drink so much if the children didn’t fight, or rooms were kept clean or grades were better. Some children try to control the drinking by getting all A’s, or keeping the house spic and span, or getting along perfectly with their siblings. Others withdraw, hoping not to create any disturbance that might cause a parent to drink or use. Few realize that children cannot cause a parent to drink nor can they cure a parent’s substance problem.

Many times, children of substance abusers are frightened. They may be the victims of physical violence or incest. They may also witness violence – frequently alcohol and other drug abuse goes hand in hand with domestic violence. And as a result, these youngsters may suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome, with the same kinds of sleep disturbances, flashbacks, anxiety, and depression that are associated with victims of war crimes. These children are not only frightened for their own well-being – they also harbor the all-too-real concern that their parent may get sick or die as a result of the drinking. They know that their parent may drive intoxicated, or get into fights on the street.

Despite the fact that friends can be a buffer for the problems at home, some COAs have a limited social life. They may avoid bringing home friends, or going out in public with their parents. They may even shy away from making friends, because they lack basic social skills or out of a profound fear that someone will find out the truth. They may also find it difficult to make friends because other parents have warned their children to stay away from these youngsters from troubled families. On the other hand, some young people use friends as buffers, relying on their leadership skills to take on key positions in school and extracurricular activities. These young people are often among the most difficult to identify as COAs because their achievements make them seem so "well-adjusted."

Not every family is affected identically. Research has shown that families that maintain certain "rituals," such as holiday traditions or a Friday night pizza and movie can help mediate the chaos of addiction. Sober parents who are able to provide stability, support and nurturing also help minimize confusion and strengthen children. Sometimes family life is less damaging because children rely on "adaptive distancing," a technique in which the child separates from the "centrifugal pull" of family problems in order to maintain pursuits and seek fulfillment in life, school and friendships.

With all this said, my aquaintence still is abusing alcohol, leaving her child to fend for himself at times, going from boyfriend to boyfriend & blaming everyone else for her problems.

I beleive the next step for this person would be for somebody to take the child out of the home so that the child is safe.

It's a sad situation, but happens all to often.  We have a system of unwanted children out there already why is that?

My youngest, my baby, well he's not a baby any more, but he is my baby!  He's 13 now and will turn 14 in February.  I can't believe it.  Seems like yesterday he was hooked on the movie 'Goldeneye' and thought that he was James Bond!  Now when you remind him about those days he blushes and tells me quietly to please be quiet he doesn't want anyone to know. 

So he's now in 8th grade, but still prefers to stay home and do things with his family vs going and hanging out with his friends.  I guess I'm lucky that way with him and I wouldn't change it. 

But what happens when your child is becoming a wild child and out of control?  It's like one day they woke up and you didn't recognize them any more.  They've become moody, rebellious, strange and alien like creatures.  Almost not human!  What is the problem here?  What did you do to cause this?  Most of all, what do you do to get them back to 'normal'. 

Welcome to teenage-hood!  Woo Hoo!  It's a party and it's not a good one.  You are going to have some things going on at this party that you won't like and probably won't approve of, but if you're lucky and patient, with time the party will get better and you will get your teenager back!  Promise!

Here's what you do in the meantime:

1. Be patient

2. Listen

3. Communicate

4. Don't yell at them.  Always stay in control.  Never let your teenager think they have control over you.

5. Always know who their friends are and what kind of families they come from.

6. If you punish them, stick with the punishment no matter how much they kick and scream.  Never give in!

7. If they do something illegal make them pay.  Call the police and turn them in.  Don't hesitate, it will be hard, but don't ever let them get away with anything that is against the law.

8. If they are doing drugs, get them into some sort of rehab, counseling, or even take them to a AA or NA meeting.  You can call the police if you find drugs present on your teen or in your house as well.

9. If they become physically violent call the police.  Don't ever let your child get to the point of physical violence with you or anyone else.

This all my seem harsh, but all in all you have to teach your child that life has consequences and they will have to pay if they do wrong.  You might feel like a horrible parent at times especially if you have to get the law involved, believe me I know first hand.  But in the long run it will be better the majority of the time.

I've talked to police, lawyers, and judges face to face about these problems with teenagers and they have all said that if there were more parents in the world who did the type of things I did when my oldest son was out of control then the juvenile system wouldn't be so full.  They've told me that parents are scared to discipline with such harsh actions and so the children don't learn, get worse, and keep getting away with things until it is too late.

So the next time your teenager gets out of line think about these things.  A child wants discipline, they want respect, and they want love.  Sometimes in order to show them how much you love them you have to make them think you 'hate' them. 

Ok, this, is crazy!!!

‘Sexting’ a Favorite Among Tweens

Sexting. It’s all the rage, especially among our middle school kids.

Sexting takes place with a cell phone. Kids take naked pictures of themselves and then send then to their friends, who then forward them on to everyone they know. It may sound far-fetched but, chances are, it’s happening at a middle school near you.

The problem is especially prevalent in middle America. Recently, reporters for a local television station in Arkansas found several 8th graders who said they regularly send and receive nude pictures on their cell phones.

It’s a show-off game, they say. The boys send pictures of their private parts in an effort to really show how “big” they are. Girls apparently do the same with their chests.

Kids think this type of behavior is all fun and games but in reality it is child pornography and it’s illegal. A 15-year-old girl in Ohio is facing felony charges and may have to register as a sex offender after allegedly sending naked pictures of herself from her cell phone. The same goes for a 17-year-old boy in Wisconsin and a 16-year-old boy in Utah.

The problem is that police can’t crackdown on this because they need a warrant to search a cell phone. Parents, here’s where you step in.

I’ve said this repeatedly, but I’ll say it again. Parents need to know what their kids are up to at all times. That includes knowing what they are doing on their cell phones. A quick look at their send/receive history will give you immediate answers- good or bad.

Some people may argue that sexting is harmless and, perhaps, a form of safe sex. I would agree if 18-year-olds were doing it. We’re talking about 12 and 13-year-olds. That’s too young to start toying around with sex. When I was 12, I wouldn’t have dreamed about sending a naked picture of myself to a boy. But times have changed I guess.

Parents, it’s time we change too.

OK, so I'm gonna put it on the line and just mention something that I've been noticing about our government lately.....

I don't like talking politics on this blog, but this is something that I'm wondering if anyone else out there is noticing:

Our government keeps bailing out everyone it seems and it doesn't seem to be making anything get better!  It really reminds me of a parent who keeps bailing out their child and not letting them suffer the consequences and learn from their own mistakes.  They will never learn and never grow unless they finally learn that what they did was wrong.  In fact it will make matters worse in the long run.

I've seen first hand what happens to a child who's parents always bail them out of a bad situation.  It's normally not pretty and it only hurts the child and makes them grow into adults who think that the world owes them.

So how many of you think that our government is acting like a parent of a bunch of teenagers?

Just curious.....

Some reasons why teenagers take drugs

Listed below are some reasons why teenagers take drugs. As you look through them, mentally check off whether they might apply in your situation, and think of ways to discuss them with your teenager.

Kids who take drugs regularly do it for exactly the same reasons that adults do. Addiction or drug misuse in teenagers does not come about as a result of accidental or experimental exposure to drugs. Drug problems are usually part of a much larger problem, like not fitting in at school, problems at home, not knowing how to approach people they're attracted to and so on. An obliterating drug experience like those produced by alcohol, tranquillisers or amphetamines (speed) serves as a blindfold to shut out a frightening environment.

A teenager who is communicating well with parents, and is given the chance to overcome difficulties themselves, will stand a better chance of coping with life than the teenager who is overly protected, or the teenager who is left to drift without any guidance.

If you go to Vegas remember to take your Hoochie Wear.

I talked about young girls dressing up like Hoochie Mama's in a previous post, but I'm sorry, I have to talk about it again....

It was shoved in my face in Vegas.  I guess it's appropriate for a young girl to dress up like and act like a hooker when she is in Las Vegas.  Makes it easier for the gentlemen to know who is easy and who is not.  The problem with this though, is that the poor men won't know who they can get for free or whom they have to pay!  Oh gosh, what is a man to do?

Anyway....Some of these girls looked like they were as young as 12.  It was scary.  Even if my daughter was 30 and dressed like this I would be livid!  I beleive that you can dress sexy & classy without looking slutty.  I do; dress sexy & classy that is, when I go out on the town.  I show just enough leg and just enough cleavage to make you wonder while all the while acting like a lady.  I look good, and I respect myself.

But these young girls were really disrespecting themselves.  I don't understand why a girl has to dress like this and I probably never will.  I feel for them and wish them well.  Someday, maybe, they'll start treating themselves with some respect.  Drunk and stupid is no way to go through life!

 

We seldom want to look at the statistics about suicide in children and young people, but they are important to consider. As parents and educators we tend to ignore this subject, pretending it doesn’t happen in “good” families. The belief is that suicide happens only
in troubled families to troubled children.

Suicide is the third leading cause of death among children and young people. This number includes only the young people who succeed, not those who attempt and live.

This is unprecedented in the history of humankind. Never before have we witnessed children ending their own life in such numbers.  Suicide is the third leading cause of death for 15-to-24-year-olds, and the sixth leading cause of death for 5-to-14-year-olds.

These are shocking statistics! They cry out for us to wake and to pay attention. Most of us never think of children ages 5 - 14 committing suicide.

Child and youth suicide is important because it is the tip of the iceberg. What lies beneath the water’s surface are all the other expressions of emotional dis-ease in children. These include ADD, teen’s dropping out of school, over-weight children, depression, anxiety, excessive time playing video games, defiance, tantrums and emotional upsets.

The fact that suicide rates in young people are higher than they have ever been in the human history indicates the pervasiveness of the problem. It demands our attention, not because your child will commit suicide some day, but because your child is being raised inthe same emotional cultural stew.

Suicide is not something that is done lightly and for insignificant reasons. It is an act of desperation, of seeing no other way. It is the ultimate expression of profound loss, futility, failure, powerlessness, hopelessness, or anger.

Our culture tends to ignore emotional pain and discomfort. We ask children to suppress their unhappy feelings and then place extreme pressures on them to succeed and to meet society’s and our standards. We ask them to be someone other than who they are, and then wonder why they do irrational, hurtful things.

We all love and enjoy the innocence and tenderness of young children. We want them to keep it forever. This innocence and tenderness is based on their emotional sensitivity, their connection with their feelings and their awareness of the feelings of others.

Acts of suicide and violence in children are cries for us to wake up as individuals and as a society. What’s wrong with young people today? Nothing. Children are as loving, brilliant, and joyous as ever.

What’s wrong with young people are their relationships with important adults in their lives, their relationship with themselves, traditional models of education and the emotional environment in which they are being raised. When we ignore a child’s emotional wholeness, we do it at our peril.

In order for young people to flourish emotionally, they need several things. They need safe relationships where they can be who they are and where they can honestly talk about their needs, desires and feelings.

They need internal strategies to handle the emotionally painful times. They need people who believe in them always. They need a strong, positive ground of being within themselves.

How can you give this to your child and to your students? Begin today to pay attention to the emotional wholeness of your child. Gain understanding and develop approaches that nurture his positive experience of himself and of life. Give him the nurturing and tools he needs for a joyous, fulfilling life.

Your child’s emotional wholeness is the foundation for her life. When her emotional wholeness is strong and clear, she can accomplish so much and be fulfilled and happy as a person. This is the most important gift you can give your child and your students.

You lay an emotional foundation for your child, whether you are aware of it or not. Every interaction with your child and every experience she has in life creates the emotional environment in which she develops.

These experiences help her build strong emotional resources or they weaken her internal resilience and ability to flourish. This is true whether your child is six weeks, 6 years or 16 years old.

Commit today to making your child’s emotional wholeness a priority. Then watch what new things you discover and what experiences occur in your child’s life and in your own.

One thing that is the opposite of confidence in yourself is hatred of yourself, or self-hatred. This is a very strange emotion, it is outrageously common in teenagers and it can be extremely hard to get out of the rut it creates. However, you cannot hate yourself and be confident. The two things are mutually exclusive.

The alternative to self-hatred is self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is, quite simply, accepting yourself as a good and worthwhile person and loving yourself the way you are. You are just like any other person on this planet: just as good, just as worthy of love and success, just as talented, just as important. When you can accept that for yourself and start liking and loving yourself, you can become confident.

There are a number of things you can do to get out of the self-hatred rut and build your confidence. They take time, but they are worthwhile. Here are several:

• Make a big list of your strengths. List all of the things that you are good at. If you can think of absolutely nothing you are good at, then start extremely small. Think, "I am good at setting the table." How can you not be good at that? And if somehow you feel you are not, figure out a way to get good at it and accept that you are good. Get a book on napkin folding or center-piece arranging and set the nicest table you can imagine. Think, "I am good at putting on my socks." How can you not be good at that? Think, "I really brushed my teeth well this morning." Of course you are good at a huge number of things, big and small. Make a huge, long list of all the things you are good at. Read it and update it every day.
• Accept compliments. this is actually really hard for me, but I am getting better at accepting them. Here's what I do; when someone gives you a compliment, any compliment, large or small, for whatever reason, say, "Thank you." That is how you accept a compliment. If you are feeling good that day, say, "Thank you, I really feel good about the way that turned out." Accept the compliment. Then reflect on why you received the compliment. DO NOT say, "Well, he sure was an idiot to compliment me on that." Think, "Wow, this is great!" Reflect on the compliment and replay it and accept it and understand why you got it. No one gives you a compliment without a reason.
• Confidence can be boosted by a win or a success, so try to increase the odds of success. That is one reason why athletes are confident. They win games, and they accept those wins.
• Each day when you come home, make a list of at least five things you did well during the day. Some days that will be hard. Dig deep on those days; "Today I helped Mr. Chamber's with his groceries." "I got to all of my classes on time." "I did a good job studying for the test." Whatever. Keep these lists in a notebook, and occasionally go back and read your lists of things you did well each day. Look for patterns and add them to your list of strengths.
• Every person has a super hero power. You may find that hard to believe, but it is true. Think of yourself as a super hero. What are you best at? What is your super hero power? Ask your parents or other adults what they think.
• Lead with your name. EVERY time you meet someone lead with, "Hi, my name is Trisha."  That will feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable the first 100 times you try it. DO IT ANYWAY. On the phone. At the store. Everywhere. Say, "Hi, my name is Trisha," until it is comfortable and natural and easy. You are Trisha. You are proud of that fact. You are confident and honest. That is what you are saying. Even if it makes you feel completely stupid, DO IT. Smile when you say it.
• Some people have a real problem with mistakes replaying in their heads. You are walking along, living your life and this BIG STUPID MISTAKE that you made two years ago replays in your head and makes you feel like an idiot for five minutes. Why does that happen? It happens because you see something or hear something or think something that somehow triggers the memory. It happens to everyone. It happens a lot when you are a teenager. Let it pass. It is just random debris in your head and it is meaningless. Instead of letting it make you feel bad, just say, "Oh, here is one of these silly memories replaying itself; let’s just let that tape finish up and then we will load a better one." Remember that mistakes replay for everyone. You are not alone. Then write it down. Keep a journal and write, "My mind replayed that memory of me tripping and falling at Steve's party and everyone laughing at me." Look at it. Yes. So. It happened. That’s life. Get over it. It is meaningless. Next time you will be more careful .

EVERYONE makes mistakes. Mistakes hurt because they are embarrassing. The difference between confident people and unconfident people is that the confident people say, "Wow, that was dumb. Let’s figure out a way to not do THAT again." Confident people also are able to laugh at themselves and their occasional stupidity. Unconfident people think, "God that was such a stupid idiotic thing to do and I am worthless and stupid and ignorant and no good and why am I like this and God I hate being me and when will I ever learn and …" See the difference?

The thing is: IT IS YOUR HEAD! Let me repeat that:

IT IS YOUR HEAD!

Live and Learn.....