2 posts tagged “disipline”

My youngest, my baby, well he's not a baby any more, but he is my baby!  He's 13 now and will turn 14 in February.  I can't believe it.  Seems like yesterday he was hooked on the movie 'Goldeneye' and thought that he was James Bond!  Now when you remind him about those days he blushes and tells me quietly to please be quiet he doesn't want anyone to know. 

So he's now in 8th grade, but still prefers to stay home and do things with his family vs going and hanging out with his friends.  I guess I'm lucky that way with him and I wouldn't change it. 

But what happens when your child is becoming a wild child and out of control?  It's like one day they woke up and you didn't recognize them any more.  They've become moody, rebellious, strange and alien like creatures.  Almost not human!  What is the problem here?  What did you do to cause this?  Most of all, what do you do to get them back to 'normal'. 

Welcome to teenage-hood!  Woo Hoo!  It's a party and it's not a good one.  You are going to have some things going on at this party that you won't like and probably won't approve of, but if you're lucky and patient, with time the party will get better and you will get your teenager back!  Promise!

Here's what you do in the meantime:

1. Be patient

2. Listen

3. Communicate

4. Don't yell at them.  Always stay in control.  Never let your teenager think they have control over you.

5. Always know who their friends are and what kind of families they come from.

6. If you punish them, stick with the punishment no matter how much they kick and scream.  Never give in!

7. If they do something illegal make them pay.  Call the police and turn them in.  Don't hesitate, it will be hard, but don't ever let them get away with anything that is against the law.

8. If they are doing drugs, get them into some sort of rehab, counseling, or even take them to a AA or NA meeting.  You can call the police if you find drugs present on your teen or in your house as well.

9. If they become physically violent call the police.  Don't ever let your child get to the point of physical violence with you or anyone else.

This all my seem harsh, but all in all you have to teach your child that life has consequences and they will have to pay if they do wrong.  You might feel like a horrible parent at times especially if you have to get the law involved, believe me I know first hand.  But in the long run it will be better the majority of the time.

I've talked to police, lawyers, and judges face to face about these problems with teenagers and they have all said that if there were more parents in the world who did the type of things I did when my oldest son was out of control then the juvenile system wouldn't be so full.  They've told me that parents are scared to discipline with such harsh actions and so the children don't learn, get worse, and keep getting away with things until it is too late.

So the next time your teenager gets out of line think about these things.  A child wants discipline, they want respect, and they want love.  Sometimes in order to show them how much you love them you have to make them think you 'hate' them. 

When I was 14 I decided to rebel.  This wasn't a good idea on my part because I had parent's that actually gave a shit.  Yes, they grounded me whenever I did something bad, and get this, they stuck to it!  They never said "you're grounded for a week" and then let me off in two days.  No, NEVER!  When I was grounded for a week, I was grounded for a week.  This meant that I had to come straight home from school, I couldn't talk to my friends on the phone (didn't have cell phones back then), I couldn't leave the house or have friends over, and I couldn't watch TV (sometimes on the TV).  Yes, my parents were strict, but you know what I'm glad that they were.  Because they didn't let me get away with whatever I became a better person.  A more responsible person.  I thank them for what they did.

Anyway, I was grounded a lot!  I didn't seem to want to learn my lesson until one day that I will never forget.  I had ditched school one to many times and my father was on to me.  I thought I was smart and told my friends to drop me off down the street so that my parents wouldn't see me getting out of their car.  Yeah, right!  Remember, my father was on to me.  As soon as I opened the door to get out of the passengers side the driver's side door flew open and there was my dad. My father grabbed the guy driving and basically threatened his life if he ever came near me again and told me to get in the car and shut up.  I remember this ride home, even though it was only about a half a block ride.  I new at this point that my father had had it with me and there was no turning back. 

Now growing up my mom and dad did give us the occasional spanking when we were bad.  Just a couple of good wacks on the ass and that was enough.  But this day was the day I decided to change my evil rebellious ways.  My father took off his belt in front of me and proceeded to whip my ass with it, and I'm not talking just one or two wacks, I'm talking a lot of wacks!  The pain was unbelievable and I truly think that it hurt him more to do it then it hurt me to recieve it.  In a wierd way I thank him for that.  I started to change after that insident and have learned a lot from it.

As a parent myself now, I understand that you have limits to how long your child can push you until you break.  We have all gone past that point and it's perfectly normal.  We are human after all.

Here is a question I propose to you all:

What are your thoughts on spanking?