Trisha’s blog

Hey! I'm Back!!

nobody@vox.com(Tougher Love) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 16:58:59 -0700

Yes, my friends it has been awhile! Let's just say that I had some personal things and changes come up and had to take a break! But I'm back, in charge, and ready to write once again!

Ahhhhhhh teens! Yes, they're fun aren't they? Well sure they can be, but sometimes they can also be trouble!

Think about what they are feeling though. At this age they have discovered their self independence and want to be a little more independent now. They start to push us parents away and don't talk to us as much or maybe they don't give us as many hugs and kisses as they used to. That's OK, this is all normal. They can't be your little baby forever.

It drives you crazy how they act. It drives you crazy how secretive they are. It drives you crazy how they dress. Etc....

Hey, we have all been teenagers. Think back to how you were. I'm sure that you weren't perfect and I'm also sure that you can take the lessons that you learned from your own experiences as a teen, good and bad, and use those lessons to help raise your own.

I'm glad to be back and writing......

Until next time!

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Teens & Bad Eating Habits

nobody@vox.com(Tougher Love) — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 09:39:26 -0800

Skipping Breakfast is the leading bad food habit for teenagers. According to the American Dietetic Association, more than half of male teens and more than two-thirds of female teens do not eat breakfast on a regular basis. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Eating breakfast can upstart your teen’s metabolism, which helps with weight control, mood and school performance.

You can ensure that your teen eats a healthy breakfast by making the foods readily accessible to him. Make it a part of your routine to put breakfast on the table and sit with your teen while you both enjoy a healthy breakfast. Or, if time is a problem, go for the grab and eat on the way breakfasts that are now on the market.

The next unhealthy food habit teens have is increased foods from 'other' food group. Think of the food pyramid, the 'other' food group is the smallest smallest section at the top with what is supposed to be the least amount of servings. Teens tend to eat too much high fat and calorie snack foods that are categorized in the 'other' food group.

You can help teens break this habit by having fruits and healthy snacks available more often then having high fat and calorie snacks available. It is easier to grab a bag of chips at the grocery store then picking up a bag of oranges and remembering to wash, quarter and put them out on the table during snack time. But the benefits to your teen’s health are worth the effort.

Increased eating outside of the home is another bad food habit teens have. Teens hit the fast food restaurants much more often then they did when they were younger. This tends to be because of school, sports and work schedules overlapping regular meal times.

To circumvent this bad habit, talk to your teen about only eating fast food once a week. Then make dinner and healthy food available to him when he has the time. This is as easy as fixing a plate for him and allowing him to heat it up when he gets home from his sports practice. Or having sandwich fixings ready when he gets home from school and has to run off to work.

Last, but not least, in this list of bad food habits is soft drink consumption. A study looking at American youths aged 6-17 found an increase in the prevalence of soft drink consumption from 37% in 1978 to 56% in 1998. You can help your teen choose a healthier drink by having fruit juice and water available and not buying soda. Or try fruit flavored carbonated water instead of soda. My teens really like these.

One common denominator for getting teens to eat healthier and avoid these bad food habits is your active role in providing healthy foods. When you get in the habit of making these foods more readily available to your teen, you will see a change in their eating habits.

So let's start this year off with better eating habits and not just for us, for our kids!

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Why Do Some Mother's Do Horrible Things To Their Children?

nobody@vox.com(Tougher Love) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 11:21:20 -0800

Caylee

For some reason this story has captured my attention and pulled at my heart. I've been following the story since it broke and can't seem to quit thinking about how horrible it is.
Though this happens many times a year, this story about little Caylee Anthony has really got me thinking.....
In the animal kingdom it is normal for a mother to kill or maim their young, and though we are merely animals we are also human. We have feelings and sympathy and we know right from wrong. But what happens when a human mother kills her own children? What goes through her mind when she is holding their head under water or wrapping her hands around their throat taking their life away? What are they thinking?
I've met a girl in my lifetime who took her new born baby and threw it in a dumpster to leave it to die. I talked to her a little about it and her explanation was that she wasn't thinking straight at the time. She thought that the baby was dead, but then the baby started to cry after she dumped it and she left the baby anyway because she didn't want to take care of it. Selfish!!
The baby was found by somebody and was saved. She went to jail for a while, but was only a child herself so she didn't serve much time for this crime. I always wondered what happened to her and wondered if she ever had any other children. Maybe I'll check into that some time. She was always a little off mentally and I'm sure that is the problem with any woman who kills her child. You would have to be wouldn't you?
The mother of Caylee Anthony has been arrested in this case and is being charged with her murder, amongst other things. This mother didn't even report her missing until after a month after she had disappeared! She was leading her life like normal and was even out partying with her friends while her child was missing! Unbelievable!! Even if she is found not guilty of this baby's murder she should still be found guilty of neglecting her child at the least. What mother would have her child missing for a month and not report it? A guilty one???
These are my thoughts:
Being a mother is not a right! It's a privilege. Children are miracles and should be thought of in that way. You have been given the privilege from your God to raise this miracle and soak in the happiness that this miracle will give you along the way. I believe that you are special when you can take your love and share it with a child, and that means natural mother's and adoptive mother's....You are all special when you share your love with a child, and if you can't share your love and only have hate or regret for your child, reach out and give that child to someone who can! You will be blessed further down the road eventually.
Take Care!
Merry Christmas.....and love your children unconditionally!

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I'm Back Up....Will Ad Content Soon....

nobody@vox.com(Tougher Love) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 12:49:16 -0800

My internet is back up and running and I think that we are all unpacked. Well, most of the stuff! Love our new place! The energy here is fabulous...should help with my motivation with writing and other things!

Will write soon!!!!

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I'm Taking Some Time Off From Writing.....

nobody@vox.com(Tougher Love) — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 13:00:43 -0800

I should be back and up and running by next week sometime. I'm in the process of moving back down to the San Diego area and the Internet will be down for a few days to a week. I am also the victim of the economy crisis and the company that I work for is making cutbacks because of it. I am one of the cutbacks. I have until December 31st and then my job is gone.

Wish me luck in the ole' job hunt.....I hear it's horrible out there! I'm a little scared and stressed to say the least, but I have a lot of support from my family.

Just gotta stay tough! Hey, maybe the Government will bail me out????? :)~

Until next week!!!

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Teens And Their School Work!

nobody@vox.com(Tougher Love) — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 06:35:33 -0800

Many teens experience a time when keeping up with school work is difficult. These periods may last several weeks and may include social problems as well as a slide in academic performance.

Research suggests that problems are more likely to occur during a transitional year, such as moving from elementary to middle school, or middle school to high school.

Some adolescents are able to get through this time with minimal assistance from their parents or teachers. It may be enough for a parent to be available simply to listen and suggest coping strategies, provide a supportive home environment, and encourage the child's participation in school activities.

However, when the difficulties last longer than a single grading period, or are linked to a long-term pattern of poor school performance or behavior problems, parents and teachers need to intervene.

Identifying Adolescents Who Are At Risk for Failure

Some "at-risk" indicators, such as those listed here, may represent persistent problems from the early elementary school years for some children. Other students may overcome early difficulties but begin to experience related problems during middle school or high school. For others, some of these indicators may become noticeable only in early adolescence.

To intervene effectively, parents and teachers can be aware of some common indicators of an adolescent at risk for school failure, including:

Attention problems as a young child -- the student has a school history of attention issues or disruptive behavior.
Multiple retentions in grade -- the student has been retained one or more years.
Poor grades -- the student consistently performs at barely average or below average levels.
Absenteeism -- the student is absent five or more days per term.
Lack of connection with the school -- the student is not involved in sports, music, or other school-related extracurricular activities.
Behavior problems -- the student may be frequently disciplined or show a sudden change in school behavior, such as withdrawing from class discussions.
Lack of confidence -- the student believes that success is linked to native intelligence rather than hard work, and believes that his or her own ability is insufficient, and nothing can be done to change the situation.
Limited goals for the future -- the student seems unaware of available career options or how to attain those goals.

When more than one of these attributes characterizes an adolescent, the student will likely need assistance from both parents and teachers to complete his or her educational experience successfully. Girls, and students from culturally or linguistically diverse groups, may be especially at risk for academic failure if they exhibit these behaviors. Stepping back and letting these students "figure it out" or "take responsibility for their own learning" may lead to a deeper cycle of failure within the school environment.

Teens Want To Feel Connected to Their Family and Their School

In a recent survey, when students were asked to evaluate their transitional years, they indicated interest in connecting to their new school and requested more information about extracurricular activities, careers, class schedules, and study skills. Schools that develop programs that ease transitions for students and increase communication between schools may be able to reduce student failure rates.

The Role of Parenting Style

Parenting style may have an impact on the child's school behavior. Many experts distinguish among permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative parenting styles. These parenting styles are associated with different combinations of warmth, support, and limit-setting and supervision for children.

The permissive style tends to emphasize warmth and neglect limit-setting and supervision; the authoritarian style tends to emphasize the latter and not the former; while the authoritative style is one in which parents offer warmth and support, and limit-setting and supervision. When the authoritative parenting style is used, the adolescent may be more likely to experience academic success.

It is important to remember that adolescents need their parents not only to set appropriate expectations and boundaries, but also to advocate for them.

Parents -- and teachers -- can assist teens by:

Making the time to listen to and try to understand the teen's fears or concerns
Setting appropriate boundaries for behavior that are consistently enforced
Encouraging the teen to participate in one or more school activities
Attending school functions, sports, and plays
Meeting as a team, including parents, teachers, and school counselor, asking how they can support the teen's learning environment, and sharing their expectations for the child's future
Arranging tutoring or study group support for the teen from the school or the community through organizations such as the local YMCA or a local college or university
Providing a supportive home and school environment that clearly values education
Helping the teen think about career options by arranging for visits to local companies and colleges, picking up information on careers and courses, and encouraging an internship or career-oriented part-time job
Encouraging the teen to volunteer in the community or to participate in community groups such as the YMCA, Scouting, 4-H, religious organizations, or other service-oriented groups to provide an out-of-school support system
Emphasizing the importance of study skills, hard work, and follow-through

Don't Give Up on Your Child

Understanding the factors that may put an adolescent at-risk for academic failure will help parents determine if their teen is in need of extra support. Above all, parents need to persevere. The teen years do pass, and most adolescents survive them, in spite of bumps along the way.

Being aware of common problems can help parents know when it is important to reach out and ask for help before a difficult time develops into a more serious situation.

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

nobody@vox.com(Tougher Love) — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 10:14:00 -0800

THE TURKEY COMMERCIAL!!!

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Just Enjoy The Holiday!!! Happy Pilgrim, Indian, & Turkey Day!!

nobody@vox.com(Tougher Love) — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 11:53:27 -0800

Here is an article I found a little disturbing to say the least! I remember the days when we would dress up like Pilgrims and Indians and it would be fun and even our parents would come to the school for our wonderful Thanksgiving celebration to help out!

This article just proves that things change. This woman Michelle Raheja, needs to quit being so ridiculous and get a life!! What is wrong with our society today? Why is it all so PC anymore? Whatever happened to tradition?

I am of the Chickasaw Indian Tribe. I'm not insulted in the least! I like to dress up like an Indian on occasion.....If ya know what I mean....but seriously. I'm not insulted! This is Crazy......

Figure's this is from the LA Times....Geeze.....

Enjoy:

By Seema Mehta
November 25, 2008

For decades, Claremont kindergartners have celebrated Thanksgiving by dressing up as pilgrims and Native Americans and sharing a feast. But on Tuesday, when the youngsters meet for their turkey and songs, they won't be wearing their hand-made bonnets, headdresses and fringed vests.

Parents in this quiet university town are sharply divided over what these construction-paper symbols represent: A simple child's depiction of the traditional (if not wholly accurate) tale of two factions setting aside their differences to give thanks over a shared meal? Or a cartoonish stereotype that would never be allowed of other racial, ethnic or religious groups?

"It's demeaning," Michelle Raheja, the mother of a kindergartner at Condit Elementary School, wrote to her daughter's teacher. "I'm sure you can appreciate the inappropriateness of asking children to dress up like slaves (and kind slave masters), or Jews (and friendly Nazis), or members of any other racial minority group who has struggled in our nation's history."

Raheja, whose mother is a Seneca, wrote the letter upon hearing of a four-decade district tradition, where kindergartners at Condit and Mountain View elementary schools take annual turns dressing up and visiting the other school for a Thanksgiving feast. This year, the Mountain View children would have dressed as Native Americans and walked to Condit, whose students would have dressed as Pilgrims.

Raheja, an English professor at UC Riverside who specializes in Native American literature, said she met with teachers and administrators in hopes that the district could hold a public forum to discuss alternatives that celebrate thankfulness without "dehumanizing" her daughter's ancestry.

"There is nothing to be served by dressing up as a racist stereotype," she said.

Last week, rumors began to circulate on both campuses that the district was planning to cancel the event, and infuriated parents argued over the matter at a heated school board meeting Thursday. District Supt. David Cash announced at the end of the meeting that the two schools had tentatively decided to hold the event without the costumes, and sent a memo to parents Friday confirming the decision.

Cash and the principals of Condit and Mountain View did not respond to interview requests.

But many parents, who are convinced the decision was made before the board meeting, accused administrators of bowing to political correctness.

Kathleen Lucas, a Condit parent who is of Choctaw heritage, said her son -- now a first-grader -- still wears the vest and feathered headband he made last year to celebrate the holiday.

"My son was so proud," she said. "In his eyes, he thinks that's what it looks like to be Indian."

Among the costume supporters, there is a vein of suspicion that casts Raheja and others opposed to the costumes as agenda-driven elitists. Of the handful of others who spoke with Raheja against the costumes at the board meeting, one teaches at the University of Redlands, one is an instructor at Riverside Community College, and one is a former Pitzer College professor.

Raheja is "using those children as a political platform for herself and her ideas," Constance Garabedian said as her 5-year-old Mountain View kindergartner happily practiced a song about Native Americans in the background. "I'm not a professor and I'm not a historian, but I can put the dots together."

The debate is far from over. Some parents plan to send their children to school in costume Tuesday -- doubting that administrators will force them to take them off. The following day, some plan to keep their children home, costing the district attendance funds to punish them for modifying the event.

"She's not going to tell us what we can and cannot wear," said Dena Murphy, whose 5-year-old son attends Mountain View. "We're tired of [district officials] cowing down to people. It's not right."

But others hoped that tempers would calm over the long holiday weekend, and the community could come together to have a fruitful discussion about Thanksgiving and its meaning.

"Its always a good thing to think about, critically, how we teach kids, even from very young ages, the message we want them to learn, and the respect for the diversity of the American experiences," said Jennifer Tilton, an assistant professor of race and ethnic studies at the University of Redlands and a Claremont parent who opposes the costumes.

Mehta is a Times staff writer.

seema.mehta@latimes.com

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No PE?? What??

nobody@vox.com(Tougher Love) — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 12:17:25 -0800

Ok people this is ridiculous! Get this, every time there is a fire in OC or San Diego my son's school cancells PE class!

I think that our schools have a lot to do with the fact that our kids are growing up to be taught how to be woosy's! Oh we can't let little Johnny play outside he might die from the smoke in the air! Oh NO!!

Ok, the nearest fire is about an hour away, north of us in the hills. The way the air is flowing it is pushing the smoke out to sea (very beautiful sunsets lately by the way). We were getting quite a bit of smoke over the weekend, but by the time school started up again yesterday the fire was 20% contained and the air quality was a lot better at the beach. Yes, the beach. That's where we live. My son goes to school on a cliff overlooking the California Coast line. The air quality up there at the school is fantastic!

See my point!

Unless your kids have asthma or something horrible like that, they should be being active and having PE class. If they have a condition that the air quality could effect, I'm all for taking them out of class while the fire's are burning. Write a note to the school, etc. But not the other kids who are healthy. PE is an important class and is important now-a-days especially with all of the video game playing there is!

So there is my rant I guess. I think that we, as a society, baby our kids way to much anymore. Being the schools, the government, or being us as parents, we rap them in bubble rap and send them off to face the evilness of society!

FYI: I grew up in Bakersfield, CA (good ole' redneck Kern County). It has some of the worst air quality in the USA! (Yes, I've only been in the OC for a little over 4 years now.) In Kern County they still have PE class everyday in those schools and the air quality is even worse than when I was a kid. Go figure! Seriously check out the stats! That must be why kids that come from redneck towns are generally tougher than let's say....the OC!

Just playing!

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Alcoholic Parents and The Effect On Children

nobody@vox.com(Tougher Love) — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 14:36:16 -0800

I have witnessed 1st hand this past year what happens to a child's self esteem and self worth when their parent is a drunk and only cares about themselves because of the drinking. I have an acquaintance whom we have all tried to help, but refuses to get help for her alcoholism. It's very sad and what it is doing to her child is even worse.

Children of alcoholics are a population without a clear definition. Because the concept of COA (children of alcoholics) is focused on the child rather than the parent, the definition of a COA is any child whose parent (or parental caregiver) uses alcohol in such a way that it causes problems in the child's life. The child may no longer be living with the substance abusing parent because of separation, divorce, abandonment, incarceration or death. And the parent does not have to be still actively drinking or using for the child to continue to feel the impact of the abuse.

In families where alcohol is being abused, behavior is frequently unpredictable and communication is unclear. Family life is characterized by chaos and unpredictability. Behavior can range from loving to withdrawn to crazy. Structure and rules may be either nonexistent or inconsistent. Children, who may not understand that their parent’s behavior and mood is determined by the amount of alcohol in their bloodstream, can feel confused and insecure. They love their parents and worry about them, and yet feel angry and hurt that their parents do not love them enough to stop using.

Despite the suffering these children endure, many blame themselves for their parent’s substance abuse. They believe it when their parents scream that they wouldn’t drink so much if the children didn’t fight, or rooms were kept clean or grades were better. Some children try to control the drinking by getting all A’s, or keeping the house spic and span, or getting along perfectly with their siblings. Others withdraw, hoping not to create any disturbance that might cause a parent to drink or use. Few realize that children cannot cause a parent to drink nor can they cure a parent’s substance problem.

Many times, children of substance abusers are frightened. They may be the victims of physical violence or incest. They may also witness violence – frequently alcohol and other drug abuse goes hand in hand with domestic violence. And as a result, these youngsters may suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome, with the same kinds of sleep disturbances, flashbacks, anxiety, and depression that are associated with victims of war crimes. These children are not only frightened for their own well-being – they also harbor the all-too-real concern that their parent may get sick or die as a result of the drinking. They know that their parent may drive intoxicated, or get into fights on the street.

Despite the fact that friends can be a buffer for the problems at home, some COAs have a limited social life. They may avoid bringing home friends, or going out in public with their parents. They may even shy away from making friends, because they lack basic social skills or out of a profound fear that someone will find out the truth. They may also find it difficult to make friends because other parents have warned their children to stay away from these youngsters from troubled families. On the other hand, some young people use friends as buffers, relying on their leadership skills to take on key positions in school and extracurricular activities. These young people are often among the most difficult to identify as COAs because their achievements make them seem so "well-adjusted."

Not every family is affected identically. Research has shown that families that maintain certain "rituals," such as holiday traditions or a Friday night pizza and movie can help mediate the chaos of addiction. Sober parents who are able to provide stability, support and nurturing also help minimize confusion and strengthen children. Sometimes family life is less damaging because children rely on "adaptive distancing," a technique in which the child separates from the "centrifugal pull" of family problems in order to maintain pursuits and seek fulfillment in life, school and friendships.

With all this said, my aquaintence still is abusing alcohol, leaving her child to fend for himself at times, going from boyfriend to boyfriend & blaming everyone else for her problems.

I beleive the next step for this person would be for somebody to take the child out of the home so that the child is safe.

It's a sad situation, but happens all to often. We have a system of unwanted children out there already why is that?

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